Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
