Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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