I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
