Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
