i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
