I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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