His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
