Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
