He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The best revenge is premature balding
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
