I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
