Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  pussy has no personality

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Amen to that

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  (609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon
  Replies (17) Good night (2825) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.

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  (847): Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie. http://tfl.nu/jaub
  Replies (22) Good night (637) Bad night (4261)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

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  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1364) Bad night (4029)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (13046) Bad night (1296)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

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  (917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2
  Replies (7) Good night (3920) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.

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  (972): I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it. http://tfl.nu/3d6t
  Replies (14) Good night (4468) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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  (989): I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis. http://tfl.nu/oi4a
  Replies (31) Good night (6706) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.

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  (207): how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me. http://tfl.nu/s06p
  Replies (16) Good night (3701) Bad night (2020)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.

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  (208): You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip. http://tfl.nu/pvxn
  Replies (7) Good night (2051) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.

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  (619): Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess. http://tfl.nu/w4br
  Replies (3) Good night (1487) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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  (+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh
  Replies (10) Good night (605) Bad night (864)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??

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  (+44): My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts?? http://tfl.nu/jz5d
  Replies (2) Good night (1421) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  You left wolverine marks

  (1-910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm somewhere between sorry and proud

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  (910): You left wolverine marks (1-910): I'm somewhere between sorry and proud http://tfl.nu/d8w1
  Replies (2) Good night (1508) Bad night (406)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob

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  (240): I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob http://tfl.nu/qz5h
  Replies (7) Good night (806) Bad night (573)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays

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  (214): I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays http://tfl.nu/86wu
  Replies (0) Good night (394) Bad night (187)

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