just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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