Sponge bath it is.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes