I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.