I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?