I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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