Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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