Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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