I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
