I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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