We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
