and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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