I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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