You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
