Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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