Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
