The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
