She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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