wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
