I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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