I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
