That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
