That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
