her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Enjoy the penises
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