I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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