Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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