I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
