I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
