I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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