btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
