I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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