he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
