Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
