so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
