so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
