It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
