Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
