there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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