I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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