Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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