Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
