The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
