Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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