he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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