your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize