I cockslap morals
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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