His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
