i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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