its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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