I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
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I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.