those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
