I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
