I CAN MOONWALK!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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