i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
