Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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