Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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