My sheets look like a crime scene.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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