Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk is a universal language darling
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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