thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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