all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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