I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
