Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I intend to get homeless drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
