I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
