he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
