well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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