For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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