I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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