I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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