At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
