it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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