Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
