i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
