just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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