Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
