I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
