woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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