Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
